What is discouragement? It seems to be the suffering of the will to continue to labor for wisdom. For even small steps are still steps, and learning is still learning, no matter what. Yet, a discouragement to continue, to wish away the hardship, to cast blame on prior circumstances, or the present ones, is unbelievably tempting in a time that requires hindsight to see clearly. Then the only rational thing to do is to keep trying.
EAR
It seems as if the only way of being able to operate with any sense of peaceful operation in the moment is with a kind of stoic detachment. But it’s a kind of mode that is detached from a sense of control of, investment into, and mirror reflection from another rational agent.
We cannot control anyone, what they say, what they do, what they think, etc. So having expectations seems to be irrational, and a positioning of oneself for disappointment.
We can invest our time, money, prayers, good will, education, and charity into another person, and it can all be a waste. It could all be tossed to the birds, and spat on, rejected. Perhaps the outcome is not what mattered, whether or not it was a success, but whether or not the one who did all the investment was doing so virtuously. The Passion of Christ seems to resonate with this, God did the penultimate investment into us, and it is rejected liberally, and with enthusiasm.
Finally, the generations after us are not reflections or mirrors of us. They may reflect our exterior looks, but not the soul. No, it seems as if each individual soul, is actually an image of God, therefore, it cannot be possible for the soul to directly reflect the labor of the parents, for the soul was not generated from the parents, but from God. The rational human only assumes physical traits from the parents, and nothing more.
Therefore, it seems reasonable, for the sake of not losing one’s sanity, to guide, and invest into our children as best as one possibly can, with the understanding that we are not peering into absolute reciprocal mirrors of us, but rather observing souls who are, or are not oriented to the One whose image their soul bears. This seems to necessitate a certain amount of detachment in order to execute.
EAR
I had it all planned out. I would complete the Organon by Aristotle first, then Classical Grammar by Arnold, then Latin Grammar by Alvarez, then move into learning Spanish and Romanian, in that order. I estimated I would get to Romanian in 5-10 years, give or take.
That is no longer the plan.
It appears, for some reason, I am being heavily drawn into the following revised strategy:
I understand why, but Lord have mercy this is not what I wanted to do. But I suppose it is necessary, since I am married to a Moldovan. I have in-laws, Godchildren, Godparents and friends who speak only Romanian. Concerning the souls who I am Nanu / Nașu to, I have a solemn, grave duty to help them, catechize them, and evangelize them.
I can’t do that if I only speak English. Yet, my Grammar in my language is absent, and what I’m able to accomplish now, without Grammar, is a mystery to me. I suppose the destination to the same summit no matter which direction I go. Amen.
EAR
A crash seems to be that which comes to a head at the end of motion. Extrapolate that by an infinite number of factors causing different degrees of contrary motion, then it is a matter of not if but when situations collide or crash. So then, how does one respond to a crash? There does not seem to be a universal right answer to this, but a subjective one that must be governed by reason. There is a rational checklist one can do to find out very quickly if what one is undergoing is an accidental change or permanently substantial one: Can I see? Can I feel? Can I hear? Can I smell? Can I taste? More importantly than these, can I think? If the answer is yes to the rational faculty and any number of the other senses, then there is no reason to panic over any crash.
For if these faculties remain, then the capacity to serve still exists, then it’s just a matter of gathering up the fortitude to execute the will to accept the crash, and move forward from it. There is no need to fall into despair, or end one’s life over a crash, to do so is utterly foolish and irrational. For there was never anything one could have done to avoid it, if while in motion, was on a collision course with you. Now my assumed definition of the term crash could take on two different meanings, and the principle checklist remains universally the same. We could be talking about a car crash, or an economic crash. Either way, take two, check your senses and your consciousness, if all these remain, then thank God for that, and pivot.
EAR
I wished my wife a Happy Mother’s Day this morning, and she replied to me: “You are the first reason I am a Mom.”
I immediately thought that was a very profound assertion on the prior causality of universal motherhood from my wise and beautiful wife. So then, what is motherhood? As I reason with this question, there is so much to say about it, that I’m frankly overwhelmed at the logic, the ethics, the physics, the metaphysics, the natural philosophy, and the theology of it, that my wife’s response to me is a great mystery and nothing I say will compare to her simple, but unfathomable wisdom in that love filled line.
She is right, she would not be a mother without me. There would be nothing generated from us if there was no love present between us. The start of the foundation of our family, the home which is sustained, the grace flowing from the sacrament of Matrimony, the wisdom shared between us, the trust necessary for peace, the fidelity perpetually assumed forever until death do us part, in sickness, in health, in prosperity, and in poverty. There would be no office of motherhood if it wasn’t for me, and the burden of providing her the material means by which for her to be free to enter into this noble office, and successfully minister to our daughters is solely my responsibility, my problem to figure out, my battle to fight, and the very thing I will be judged for when Jesus Christ comes again. She is subject and in submission to me, because it is precisely my mission to serve her. That is the point of matrimony, which in Latin means the Office of Motherhood. The point is to love, unconditionally. If we are both willing, then our souls may be saved. But if one of us is unwilling, then that family tree has undergone a corruption or perversion will not stand divided forever.
Therefore, let us husbands, on this Mother’s Day, renew our indomitable resolve to to guard and fan the flame of our wives love for us, that our children might be blessed, our homes may be in harmony, and the light of Christ may shine through us. If we have the will and the fortitude to do this, then perhaps we will see the actualization of Psalm 127 play out before our very eyes.
EAR
What is there to contemplate about rain? It is curious to think how if there was none, then surely the fruits of the earth would die, the land would become a desert, and all animals along with it. For the yield of the earth seems to feed that which roams upon, this includes us. It is most astonishing how fragile the concept is in thought: the sun races across the sky, drawing up water from their places of rest, to cumulate them overhead, to which various winds carry them to the four corners of the earth, to drop them in various places according to nature, some receiving more, others less, only for that very water to drain through the places it traversed back to its collective place of flow and rest.
How are we blind to this? What a great mystery it is, that this operation happens whether we will for it to or not. Men try to forecast these conditions, and often get it wrong. For how can you contingently know that which you could not necessarily know and track yesterday? So then it is an industry of contingent abstractions and models that may or may not be right. And we absentmindedly glance at our phones and quip: “Huh, when it rains it pours, looks like I’ll stay inside.”
Why stay inside? Why do we hide from that which we would die without? Perhaps we should step outside and let ourselves be soaked in the downpour. Maybe that would cause us to wake up and give thanks to God for it. Because it doesn’t have to rain, and yet it does. why? Because God is good, that’s why, and He loves us that is also why, and He is merciful, that would be why too. So go outside every once in a while, and get soaked in the rain; it’s real, and something to appreciate.
EAR
What is vanity? It seems to be a disordered orientation of contemplation concerning one’s exterior appearance, addictive preoccupation surrounding the supposed perception of another rational agent concerning that very appearance, and the self adoration of one’s own gifts.
Concerning the first, why is it that one would be concerned about this? It seems that if there is time to contemplate one’s self, then there is certainly time to contemplate anything good that is not yourself. E.g. instead of spending time in front of a mirror, there is time to spend in front of the heavens, a sunset, a forest, a beach, your family, the Breviary, or better yet the blessed Sacrament. Would spending time contemplating these blessings not be better? After all, counterintuitively, it seems like the more we contemplate these things, the more we have to offer to our neighbor, and to the Lord.
Concerning the second, the first seems to lead us to a slave like obsession concerned with controlling the apparent opinion or perception of others concerning ourselves. How ironic is it, that the concern for own image, would not preserve that very image, but quicken its very implosion. You would think that to be concerned with, or to labor for something, then the laboring over ourselves would be a great endeavor, and yet, it seems to paradoxically be the very thing that robs us of peace, liberty, and freedom, and enslaves us with chains of oppressive fretting.
Concerning the last, what does the glory of my strength compare to that of an ape? Or the glory of my quickness to that of a cat? Or the glory of my beauty to that of a constellation on a dark night? Or the glory of my speed to that of a cheetah? Or the glory of my power to that of the sea? These things in their inferior examples fly beyond the greatest of my potentialities. So then, what is there to self adore? What seems to supercede all that I have mentioned is our intellect. Yet, the intellect does not seem to grow from self obsession, but rather the pursuit of wisdom, which is concerned outwardly and in doing so, serves the inward soul.
EAR
There seems to be a distinction of how thoughts unground a man from reality, I am seeing 2 different kinds, again with respect to contingencies: viz. an undisciplined habit of abstraction, and a malicious assault of bait and switch.
The first seems fairly straightforward to correct. Sometimes the mind wanders, this seems to be prevalent most especially in idleness. When this happen, distractions, useless curiosities, and an unhealthy sub-culture of scrolling seem to harbor a festering pit of useless abstractions to nowhere. To what end do I scroll and poke around on the browser? As if my gandering will make a difference in some far away event that is outside of my power to change. This also doesn’t classify as true studying either, for no growth comes from this; and, thus the intellect’s capacity for good, is left unhinged to float without direction, like a leaf being tossed by the wind. Aristotle offers the answer and solution to this problem: what cannot be reached and demonstrated through reason is mere speculation. To allow our intellects to spin out of control from mindless speculation is irresponsible and a waste of potentiality.
Yet, there is a far more sinister issue we encounter with this. All of humanity is being watched by incorporeal rational entities that possess intellects far more powerful than we could possibly imagine, and wage a terrible war for our demise. These are known as demons, led by Satan, all of whom were once angels, now fallen and destined for hellfire. Their ordinary and prolific way of communicating with us is through thoughts, mental images, etc. all of which are negative in nature, termed as temptations, and designed to bring about our destruction: not because they can impose their will on us, but because they are clever enough to persuade us to sin and stray from God.
Now, knowing this is not enough to contend with them. In fact, it seems impossible to fight against a malicious assault of bait and switching from their end. You could refute their initial contingent assertions, and then suddenly find yourself considering another syllogism, and then upon refuting that, you find yourself lured into another intellectual trap abstracting when you did not intend to do so. When it becomes this bad, or rather this obvious, that it’s sole purpose being to distract you from the present task at hand, or their favorite tactic being to deprive you of sleep, the only real answer to this is prayer. Specifically the Rosary or the Liturgy of the Hours. For their reasoning, or rather their sophistry, are dashed upon the face of the rock, the corner stone who is Jesus Christ. This seems to be the only way to reassert control over the intellect, and it is by appealing to the very One who is the divine authority over all things, including demons.
So then: avoid useless abstractions, refute that which is false, but when refutation leads to an endless devious entrapment, then it’s time to pray, for no intellect, no matter how sharp, can contend with the intellect of the evil one.
EAR
What is this lazy seaside place? Where the seagulls caw and the breeze rolls in. Where the waves crash, and the sand sinks in. It’s like a little place outside of time. Not concerned with the worries of the world. Not worried about anything at all in particular. Jellyfish float in, and are cast out. Sharks hunt when we sleep, and seemingly nap when the sun is high over the sky. Where people disconnect from their routines and come to turn their skin brown. Is this place real, or an illusion that invites vice?
These thoughts are platonic in nature, and are actually the problem. The beach is not the problem, it is of many good things: a beautiful place, a place to enjoy, a place to rest, to contemplate what’s next, a place to reorient, and a place to resolve, a blessing to recommit. This is the proper orientation of the mind. That our bodies are in need of a taste of paradise. To smell the salty air, to soak the skin in the salt water, and eat lots of shrimp and fish. It is all good. It serves a higher purpose: to prepare the man for the labor ahead.
So let’s not judge what God has given to us to enjoy, in moderation it serves a purpose, to ready us for the end.
EAR